We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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