Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
