3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
