Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
