Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
