i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
