So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she peed on how many people?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
