she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize