We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
