Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize