Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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