i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Pants are for mortals
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
