You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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