when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
