what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
