How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
