according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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