the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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