Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
