Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
