She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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