i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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