Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
