whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we should paint friendship bongs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
