Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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