I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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