he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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