Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
