I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
