I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
