id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
