As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
