yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
