You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
