Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
