Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
