He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
