Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize