please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
