Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
