what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
