My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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