I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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