I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
