We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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