I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
