Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize