Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
