hotel room ftw
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
