i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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