Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
