dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
