And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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