his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
