Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
