Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Randomize
