fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
