haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
