weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
