just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize