Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
