just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
