it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
