Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
