wrigley field is MILF paradise
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
