We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
