I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
