I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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