She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
