You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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