she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
