I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
