I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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