So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
