So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
