Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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