So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Two words: nipple clamps
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