Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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