So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize