Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
