I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
