Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
