I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize