I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
