We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it wasn't lemon gatorade
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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