In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
