I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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