How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
