I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
