my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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