Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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