The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
